I have attached below my tutor report for Assignment 5 – Body of Work. In addition, I have noted my responses to the feedback. My responses include making amendments to my website and incorporating some of my tutor’s suggestions for my essay for Contextual Studies which I’ve now completed.
I had a few changes to make to my website in response to my tutor’s feedback for Assignment 5. These weren’t aesthetic changes but rather revisions to the title of my body of work as well as the introduction for the same project.
My tutor suggested I add brackets around the “Re” part of the Reconstructing Deptford title to form (Re)constructing Deptford. I thought this subtle but powerful amendment hinted to the viewer that something in the project might not be as it seemed, namely the composite approach to making the images. I have since updated my website to accommodate for the new title, not only in the project but also for each image title in the project.
When constructing the introduction, I had previously been a bit dismissive of the landscape as a “backdrop” for the people in front of it. This description disregards how these people socially and culturally change the landscape through their interactions with it. I have since edited the text for my introduction, which I now feel reflects a greater appreciation for the landscape of Deptford.
The changes I’ve made can be seen in the before and after images shown in this post. I think they strengthen the communication of the project to my audience , either subtly (with the change in title) or on a deeper level (with the introduction now showing appreciation for the landscape).
I tried to follow my Body of Work tutor’s advice on what to include and what not to include in an essay. This was after we briefly went over my Assignment 4 (first draft essay) for Contextual Studies. Some of these points I was already carrying out in my essay, while others I tried to learn from. I was already referencing my writing appropriately by keeping a list of references and bibliography which I updated as I went along.
A key point I wasn’t always adhering to was making sure not to end a paragraph on a quotation. This was partly because I was using too many quotes to make my points, something my Contextual Studies tutor had picked up on. Inevitably some passages ended with a quote because I was using them (incorrectly) as my own voice. By evaluating a quote and using it to back up my own points, I could make my argument stronger.
This fed into my point of view for the essay. While I was not speaking for the reader – I wasn’t using “we” in my text, I also wasn’t making my text personal enough. In Assignment 5 (my final draft) for Contextual Studies, I decided to use “I”, “For me” and other personal terms. I used these to introduce my own points of view in relation to the quotes and examples I had found that helped form my argument. Working in this way was also corroborated by the study hangout I attended on the 23/11/2020, where we talked about writing more personally in response to theoretical debate.
On the whole, this was a useful tutor report and I am pleased with my tutor’s overall comments on how Assignment 5 was received. I also found both his and my tutor for Contextual Studies’ comments helpful as I was redrafting the essay.